I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
