At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
