whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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