so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
