Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
