Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
