If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
