you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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