As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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