There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
