Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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