Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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