my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
