I'm eating all of the evidence.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
