just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
