I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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