"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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