just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
