I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
