I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
