I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
