I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
