shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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