i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
