hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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