you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
