Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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