You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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