p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
In America we eat man semen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
