Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
