i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
