Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
