Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
