I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
