Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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