You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
