It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
