You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
