Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
