Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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