YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
