I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
