Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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