I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I need moral support for this bender
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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