I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
