I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
