He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
