If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Even my vagina gasped.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
