We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dignity is for republicans.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
