i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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