He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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