Got a toothbrush?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
