you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
