I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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