East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to have your abortion
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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