You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
