So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
